I am entranced by stories from my patients. It is one of my favorite parts of my job. One that often leaves me wishing " I wish I could have known and befriended this person before we got to the end. And often people are more willing to share stories they've bottled up until they sense the end is near. I am always astonished by people particularly physicians who only want to do their job, ignore the person and move on. I remember rounding with an anesthesiology resident on our palliative care service once. He listened politely to the patient's story of family but as we stepped out of the room he made a nosed of disgust as we continued down the hall. "You know what some peoples' problems are?" he asked rhetorically? I shook my head and he continued.. "They are awake and don't have an endotracheal tube keeping them from talking." he opined. I muttered back that anesthesiology was probably a good professional choice for him.
One of my biggest regrets is not asking my father more about his experiences in World War II. He talked about his childhood He loved to watch "Victory at Sea" and comment on the action. But his personal experiences. My memory has nothing, only two tales from my mother. One was about saving his ship by lowering a pump into the bilge that I recount in the book. The other story my mom told was how he declined a purple heart after a Kamikaze plane hit his ship and he was wounded. He declined the medal because he was underneath an Ack Ack gun asleep during a battle and I was left wondering for years what do you have to go through to become so exhausted that you sleep through a battle so close you get wounded?
So I loved hearing the tales of vets during my rotations at the VA Hospital. and other venues. I spoke to a guard who watched over Winston Churchill while he pained in the desert. "Kind of a jerk and standoffish" was the verdict. Another who was a switchboard operator in Franklin D Roosevelt's White House. She wasn't that impressed with him but thought the world of Eleanor!
I was getting a medical history from another vet who began to recount his participation in the Battle of the Bulge. This was obviously a story his family had obviously heard any times before as the tried to shush him. "Dad," they said, "Dr. Phelps is a busy man he doesn't have time for these stories." I rounded on them and exclaimed, "Are you nuts?" this is living history and I want to hear every word?" The family decided to go to the cafeteria while Dad with a new audience regaled me with his history. I think I listen well because I know I missed hearing this from my own dad.
So as we near the holidays, take time to ask for stories from your loved ones. The recounting is part of the glue that holds families together. Greg
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